Ironically, you also have things to say to them, about their own behaviors….that you don’t express but in a bout of rage. How can you think that they will change and deliver what you want? They only can see your rage, not the suggestions that you could provide in a more calm conversation….

Perhaps learning how to assert yourself is the solution.

Assertion is the art of saying what you need or believe in a way that other people can hear you clearly.  This ability is essential for effective problem-solving.

The alternatives to assertion are submission (letting other’s needs come before yours, which will happen if you accept the cold shoulder treatment for longer time) and aggression – forcing your needs on another person without their agreement. Both are lose-lose options.

Perhaps you have been doing the aggressive position, where others have to do as you want? and if not, they risk an anger attack? This is not going to help you sustain good relationships along time; will enhance your passive aggression and you will find yourself lonely again.

Ready to try assertion skills? You can use them to control your anger.

Control your anger using assertive behavior is a post from: Recover from Anger Blog

Technorati Tags: anger attacks, anger explosions, assertive behavior, controlling anger, conversation, respect, stopping anger, win-win solutions

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

But sometimes anger is perceived to be as a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object, feels it to be unappealing, exaggerates its awful behavior, and desires to hurt it. When we are fuming with our partner, at that moment he or she appears to us as unappealing or unlikable. We then exaggerate his terrible traits by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us and ignoring all his good qualities and kindness, until we have built up a mental figure of an intrinsically flawed person. We then wish to hurt him in some way, probably by criticizing or disapproving him.

Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mind; the intrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist. Moreover, as we shall see, anger is also a tremendously harmful mind that serves no functional purpose whatsoever. Having understood the nature and disadvantages of anger, we then need to watch our mind carefully at all times in order to distinguish it whenever it begins to arise.

This explanation of stopping anger through practicing tolerance is based on Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life, the famous poem by the great Buddhist Master Shantideva. Though composed over a thousand years ago, this is one of the clearest and most dominant explanations of the theme ever written, and is just as significant today as it was then.

Anger & Relationships

Unless we make a nonstop attempt to stopping anger as it arises, our relationship will suffer.

Anger is particularly unhelpful in relationships. When we exist in close contact with someone, our personalities, priorities, interests, and ways of doing things commonly collide. Since we spend so much time together, and since we know the other person’s shortcomings so well, it is very easy for us to become serious and short-tempered with our partner and to blame him or her for making our life painful. Unless we make a uninterrupted effort to agree with this anger as it arises, our relationship will suffer. A couple may authentically love one another, but if they habitually get angry with each other the times when they are happy together will become fewer and further between. Eventually there will come a point when before they have recovered from one row the next has already begun. Like a flower choked by weeds, love cannot live on in such conditions.  We should also bear in mind that every chance to build up anger is also a chance to build up patience.

anger

In a close relationship, opportunities to get angry take place many times a day, so to stop the increase of awful feelings, stopping anger as soon as it begins to happen in our mind is something we need to do. We do away the dishes after each food rather than coming up until the last part of the month, because we do not want to exist in a filthy house nor be faced with a big, unwanted job. In the similar way, we require ourselves to build the effort to clear away the mess in our mind as soon as it appears, for if we allow it to build up it will become harder to deal with, and will cause danger to our relationship. We should remember that every chance to develop anger is also a chance to build up patience. A relationship in which there is a lot of roughness and conflict of interests is also an unrivalled opportunity to erode away our self-cherishing and self-grasping, which are the real sources of all our problems.

Anger Creates Enemies

stopping anger

It is through our anger that we collect enemies. We generally assume that anger arises when we encounter a displeasing individual, but actually it is the anger already within us that transforms the person we meet into our probable enemy. Someone controlled by their fury lives within a fearful sight of the world, surrounded by enemies of his or her own making. The fake principle that everyone hates him can turn into a disaster that he might even go insane, the victim of his own hallucination.

Uncontrolled Anger: Explained is a post from: Recover from Anger Blog

Technorati Tags: anger attacks, anger explosions, controlling anger, recover from anger, stopping anger

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

anger

Patience is a mind that is able to accept, fully and happily, whatever occurs. It is much more than just gritting our teeth and putting up with things. Being patient means to welcome unconditionally whatever arises, having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are. It is always possible to be patient; there is no position so bad that it cannot be accepted patiently, with an open, obliging, and peaceful heart.

When fortitude is present in our mind it is impossible for gloomy thoughts to gain a foothold. There are many examples of people who have managed to practice patience even in the most intense circumstances, such as under anguish or in the final havoc of cancer. Although their body was destroyed beyond repair, deep down their mind remained at peace. By learning to accept the small difficulties and hardships that arise every day in the course of our lives, gradually our capacity for patient acceptance will increase and we shall come to know for ourself the independence and happiness that true patience brings.

Can laughter or crying make you recover from anger?

Humour is one of the best and quickest strategies for reducing anger. It works because laughter produces supportive chemicals in the brain. It gets your brain thinking and working in a different way – it distracts you from having an angry mindset.

Therefore most people will sense rather different and notice a change in mindset after laughing and being distracted by something funny. All you have to do is to keep taking the laughter medicine until you feel suitably relaxed and revitalized.

Some people see crying as has a prevailing helpful effect on anger levels. Whatever the science behind crying, a good thing about of sobbing and weeping does seem to let go tension and anger for many people. This can be a good way to recover from anger. How and where you choose to submit to this most basic of emotional impulses is up to you.

Explore the fascinating world of alternative medicine ancient, emerging, and cutting-edge ways to lead a healthier, happier, and longer life, naturally.

How to Recover from Anger is a post from: Recover from Anger Blog

Technorati Tags: recover from anger

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

anger management

Some people ask “What is the most critical issue in any relationship?” How to manage frustration and anger in a healthy way, so as to help the relationship develop!

The test is how to handle discontent when the other party does or says something that infuriates us. Most divorces are provoked by an increasing chain of anger attacks, painful difference, mad confrontations, and unsettled disputes and finally disappoint with partner and marriage itself.

Why it is Conflicts with your spouse (or intimate other) are seen as inevitable in any marriage?

When people get married each one has his own image of life; their own imaginings and ambitions for how they want their shared life to be. The problem is that each one is coming from a different life story, so their dreams and ambitions about married life are different.

The succeeding test arises from the sheer lack of information or guidance about civil methods to solve differences. We should be receiving this guidance in major school, so when the occasion arises, we would know that we can get a shared a way out and not an « I win, you lose » unfair ending.

Here is the root of matrimonial anger: the view that we are not treated reasonably by the person we select to care for us; therefore the need to manage or rule the other through a show of anger follows.

For the spouse with no skills to manage his or her anger to resolve conflicts, the other person will always seem like the obstacle. The more his or her frustration grows, the less limits will be there to contain anger against the wife/husband from escalating.

Why is all this happening? People have numerous past reasons to be expecting something from the marriage that could heal their childhood wounds. When they can’t receive this behavior, because the spouse is coming from a likewise deprived environment, frustration can appear at silly opportunities, leaving the other spouse totally shocked because the intensity of the anger attacks doesn’t correspond with the situation that unleashed it.

When there is uncontrolled anger attacks in a couple, love is gone and bitter resentment in the attacked spouse builds up. If this person voices the disappointment, the angry spouse will feel criticized, but still unable to resolve the issue by apologizing. Instead, his anger can escalate with the perceived spousal rejection, creating a push to dominate, control and silence the other spouse.

According to the American Psychological Association, some anger is a normal and healthy part of being human. But when anger affects your quality of life, check into how to better manage this emotion before it manages you.

How Can Anger Attacks Damage Your Marriage is a post from: Recover from Anger Blog

Technorati Tags: anger attacks, anger explosions, controlling anger, recover from anger, stopping anger

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

If there is a time when practical jokes are carried out to varying degree of friends, colleagues, enemies and neighbors, that would be April Fools’ Day.  However this month may also elicit negative reactions though it is meant to be taken in stride. The feeling of shame and embarrassment can cause other people to have anger explosions.

So what can you do to avoid coming unglued as the result of an embarrassing April Fools’ Day prank? As the saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Anger Management Tip #1

Do not wait for a prank to occur, give yourself a stress inoculation before April Fools’ Day. Prepare yourself for a potential stressor or anger trigger, you will then be ready to handle whatever comes your way.

Imagine some worst- case scenarios regarding pranks and practice your response. Look at yourself and see how you appear. Ask yourself if you are comfortable with your reaction. Do you feel what you react will be accepted by the people around you? Will it result in greater understanding and empathy or might it make matters worse? If in doubt, it is time to modify your response. Use this moment, while calm and relaxed, to prepare and practice how you will respond to the pranks. Rehearsing and critically examining your own reaction until it feels right is the thing that you have to do.

Stress Inoculation should be performed correctly. It should prepare you well as there is always a time that you get the chance of getting caught off-guard by an embarrassing practical joke. In such a case, the emotional part of your brain will be the first to activate before the thinking part does put you at risk of overreacting and lashing out inappropriately. Thus, in the heat of the moment, you will have a tendency to act on impulse than to think things through about the consequences of your actions. Although you may be completely justified in how you feel, it is imperative that you find a way to allow the thinking part of your brain to catch up to the emotional part. Otherwise you risk acting upon your aggressive impulses and possibly saying or doing something that you will later regret.

Anger Management Tip #2

One of the first things that you must do is to avoid the situation and take a personal time-out. It is so great even just for a few minutes to help clear your mind. Use your time wisely by working on your breathing and trying to modify your thoughts. Breathe deeply into your abdomen and then pause before exhaling. Repeat this step several times and as your breathing slows, you will notice your mind and body beginning to relax.

Anger Management Tip #3

Replacing your angry thoughts or images with those that are tranquil and peace is a great way to achieve relaxation. Think of happy positive thoughts and let it take you to a happier time of your life or to a more peaceful setting. Perhaps a proud moment from your childhood or a grand vacation of your dreams. Maybe sailing on a cruise or lying in a hammock with a cold beverage. It would be difficult to feel angry with this kind of mind-set. Try stopping anger this way and you will see inner peace within you.

Anger Management Tip #4

There is another very powerful anger management technique and that is to change the inner conversation that you have with yourself (also known as self-talk). It is a very normal occurrence for people to have an inner dialogue that can either get them more worked up (e.g., “If he even looks at me the wrong way, I’m going to explode”) or put them in a calmer frame of mind (e.g., “Relax, stay calm, I can get through this”). The words we say to ourselves are very powerful and can definitely influence how we feel and how we subsequently behave.

Even saying a phrase like “Serenity Now,” popularized by Frank Costanza on the classic sitcom Seinfeld, can actually have a positive effect on how you feel. Emotions are influenced by our thoughts, any words that can conjure up peaceful images can put us in a better emotional frame of mind. Thus by repeating a pleasant phrase or mantra, we can shift from feeling angry to feeling relaxed. The key is that relaxation and anger are incompatible emotions.

So whether you are planning to get together with your prankster buddies or April Fool’s Day, give yourself a stress inoculation and don’t forget to bring with you some anger control tools. After all, you never know when you get off-guard. You must consider controlling anger or else it will control you.

Some anger is a normal and healthy part of being human. But when anger affects your quality of life, check into how to better manage this emotion before it manages you. Learn to recover from anger effectively.

Anger Management Tips for April Fool’s Day is a post from: Recover from Anger Blog

Technorati Tags: anger, anger attacks, anger explosions, Anger Management, controlling anger, recover from anger, stopping anger

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.